I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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