Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
