So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
