My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
