You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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