It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
