nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
