I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
