I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
