could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize