would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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