She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
