I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
