How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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