You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
