it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
