My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
