I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
