Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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