cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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