Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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