so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
