if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
