He kissed a someone with a penis
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
