my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
