i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
