Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
