I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
