I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize