I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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