my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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