he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
