Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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