bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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