I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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