How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
