I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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