he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
