Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
