I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
