I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
