ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
