I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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