"it" just moved
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i believe in u and ur pee
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