So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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