you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
