Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize