So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
