I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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