R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
