yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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