Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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