I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
