You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
