The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
