well I can't set my house on fire every night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
