he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
