took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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