They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
