no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
