So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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