You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
