She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
