the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
